How can you make sure that children do not cause marriage problems?
In a recent article, it is thought that marriage problems between Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott are caused by their children. This is not a problem that is unique to the stars, but children can cause problems in relationships too. Especially for singles with children who are dating. Spelling and McDermott are like many singles and married people with children. If the children are not managed appropriately they can cause marriage problems as well as relationship problems.
Having little children under the age of five can cause certain marriage problems. At this age, children are totally dependent on their parents or care giver. The need to be feed, clothed, pampers changed, potty trained, and simply educated to prepare them for adulthood. For the care giver this can take an absorbent amount of your time. Unless you have other supports in place it can cause additional stress on the individual as well as causing marriage problems.
As children become older and enter school, you may get a breather. But when they get home from school the same cycle starts again. You become the primary care giver. Hopefully by now they can feed and dress themselves. But you have to prepare their meals and make sure that they have clean clothes.
At this stage you may have them in leisure activities that may involve sports or entrainment. As the care giver, you will have to provide transportation and attend the events if possible.
This also is the case as they become teenagers. Event though they are able to dress and feed themselves, you will have to take time to ensure that they are doing well in school. You will also begin to prepare them for adulthood which could involve a number of things.
Whether you are single or married, children can cause marriage problems because they absorb time and money. Raising a child born in 2013 will cost $245,000 for a middle income couple.
For the middle income family expect to spend money in the following categories:
- Housing & Transportation – $107,970
- Child Care & Education – $44,000
- Food – $39,060
- Clothing and Misc. – $33,780
- Health Care – $20, 130
High income families may spend $455,000 while low income families may spend $145,000.
Children can be costly as well as time consuming. This becomes the real headache.
How do I find time for myself? How do I find time for my spouse? How do I find time for other relationships? How do I find time to avoid marriage problems associated raising children?
Some researchers contend that in order to ensure that children do not cause marriage problems, couples and dating singles with children should choose to have a date night. They should arrange for a date night the same day each week. Having a predetermined date night each week involves having a babysitter. If you commit, this will work because if you are to tired to go out, you will still have some down time away from the children. A consistent babysitter will help to resist the temptation to cancel the date night. On your date night, spend a minimum of two hours alone with each other and DO something — and not always the dinner-and-a-movie routine. Check local listings and find events or interesting places to go. Avoid the phone calls from children. Don’t talk about kids, money and work on your date; get back to conversations that aren’t always about stress and “have to’s.”
The main reason that couples and single with children have marriage problems is due to lack of planning. The planning should not be limited to children. The planning must encompass the life of the parent. In order to avoid marriage problems that are associated with children develop three goals in the following areas:
For dating singles, developing a strategic plan based on the above goals will help you to manage your family in all areas. For married couples you will need to develop a shared vision first and then develop a family strategic plan based on the above mentioned goals to ensure that children do not cause marriage problems.
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Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012
Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles
“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.
Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell
Samaritan Baptist Church
Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.
Dr. James E. Woods, II
El Shaddia Christian Assembly