New dating trends could prove detrimental to those seeking long lasting relationships that eventually lead to the benefits of Holy matrimony. Holy matrimony is a phrase used by Christians to describe a state instituted and ordained by God for the lifelong relationship between one man as husband and one woman as wife. The evolution of dating has produced circumstances such as “Ghosting” and “mosting” which places single men and women in the position of possible emotional damage.
Ghosting is when a prospective partner completely vanishes from your life after a series of dates. With mosting, the prospective partner lays it on thick, more or less convincing you that you’re The One, then ghosts you. As with ghosting, you’re left totally blindsided but also wondering, “Why put in all that effort?”
According to Tracy Moore, the journalist who coined the phrase in a January article for MEL Magazine, “mosting is ghosting, but where before you ghost, you completely love bomb the person with praise, compliments, and soulmate-type stuff.
Nick Notas, a dating and confidence coach who works primarily with men, believes that men and woman recognize that the effort required in mosting is relatively minimal for the high payoff of sex. “These men know flattery is an easy way to build interest. They’re usually thinking about having a casual hookup and don’t have the guts to be upfront. Because if they do, they think some women won’t sleep with them.”
Ghosting and mosting provide several challenges for the single Christians interested in dating. The primary challenge lies with the perpetrator of this evolution of dating. The perpetrator is actually a liar. A liar provides several challenges outlined below:
- Lying reveals a lack of godliness.
He who speaks truth tells what is right, but a false witness, deceit (Prov. 12:17).
A righteous man hates falsehood, but a wicked man acts disgustingly and shamefully (Prov. 13:5).
- Lying is often motivated by fear, which is contrary to love.
Then Abimelech called Abraham and said to him, “What have you done to us? And how have I sinned against you, that you have brought on me and on my kingdom a great sin? You have done to me things that ought not to be done.” And Abimelech said to Abraham, “What have you encountered, that you have done this thing?” Abraham said, “Because I thought, surely there is no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife” (Gen. 20:9-11).
Perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18).
- Lying often accompanies other sins.
Listen to the word of the LORD, O sons of Israel, for the LORD has a case against the inhabitants of the land, because there is no faithfulness or kindness or knowledge of God in the land. There is swearing, deception, murder, stealing and adultery. They employ violence, so that bloodshed follows bloodshed (Hosea 4:1-2)
- Lying is a mark of an unfaithful person.
A trustworthy witness will not lie, but a false witness utters lies (Prov. 14:5).
People who are unfaithful are prime candidates to avoid when dating. Unfaithfulness is one of the primary reasons that couples in the United States seek divorce. Discovering that a spouse has been unfaithful breeds a devastating amount of distrust. The betrayal erodes the trust in a marriage and if this is not detected during the dating process, expect that the relationship will end in a divorce.
Unfaithfulness will result in grief too. Grieving the loss of trust in the relationship can manifest itself in the victim in various emotions. Some victims may experience emotions similar to symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Feelings of insignificance, anxiety and depression may be mixed with frustration, anger and self-deprecating behavior. The victim can experience sleeplessness and the inability to eat, function or concentrate are enduring symptoms that may last long after the unfaithfulness has ended.
Recovering from unfaithfulness during dating can be extremely challenging when the victim relentlessly recalls the betrayal and demands to know every intimate detail of the circumstances of the unfaithfulness. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, common responses of the faithful partner may include: obsessively pondering details of the affair; continuously watching for further signs of betrayal; and physiological hyperarousal, flashbacks and intrusiveness. The victim may fixate on discovering the reason for the infidelity and may attempt to change their physical appearance according to what they believe are expected in their relationship. Additionally, the innocent person can become fixated on knowing the whereabouts of the cheater throughout the day, interrogating them about tardiness, and investigating their phone calls and computer use.
Unfaithfulness during dating may lead the faithful person to seek or regain control in their relationship. They may respond to the circumstances by attempting to retaliate against the unfaithful so that the cheater is able to experience the suffering caused by the unfaithfulness. Psychologist and director of the Center for Progressive Development in Washington, DC, Douglas LaBier implies that a faithful person may seek refuge in an affair because they have been unsuccessful in dealing with the anger that they feel. Instead, they may use the unfaithfulness as a way to retaliate.
While ghosting and mosting maybe the new dating trend, it sets off a cycle for which many dating singles will suffer. This is one of the major reasons why those who are dating must date God’s way to ensure that they will be healthy enough to find the spouse that they are intended to marry.
Dating problems exist, when you’re 40-something; these 3 tactics can help
Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012
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