Every newlywed needs to know that after the wedding, honeymoon, and the newly established relationship, the newness for a newlywed will soon wear off. Once this newness wears off, the couple will begin to notice how their relationship is transforming. The newlywed needs to know that their is an answer to each obstacle that they will encounter to help them avoid the travesties associated with divorce.
In a recent article, Just Got Married? Here Are Three Problems That Are Happening to You That Are Perfectly Normal, the author outlines challenges that every newlywed needs to know. While highlighting the problems can provide a benefit for newlyweds, it is problematic for the author to exclude viable solutions.
According to the author, “it is not uncommon for newly married couples to feel that the person they married is not the same person they were dating. That’s because now they are in a new role (and so are you). While you two are still lovers, you are also husband and wife, and this often automatically changes the dynamic between the two of you. There is less pressure to please each other. You can now shed all inhibitions and be 100% yourself.”
This biggest challenge with this assumption is that many couples choose to engage in pre-marital sex. While there is no Hebrew or Greek word used in the Bible that precisely refers to sex before marriage. The Bible undeniably condemns adultery and sexual immorality.
The real question that many ponder is: Is sex before marriage considered sexually immoral? According to 1 Corinthians 7:2, the answer is yes. According to the scripture, “since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.”
Paul emphatically states that the cure to sexual immorality is marriage. Since people cannot control themselves and so many people have immoral sex outside of marriage, people should get married. Furthermore, there are numerous Scriptures that declare sex before marriage to be a sin (Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 10:8; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; Jude 7).
The Bible promotes complete abstinence before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves (Hebrews 13:4). When couples choose to engage in pre-marital sex they suffer from the ability to take the sexual pleasure in their marriage to another level.
Furthermore, pre-marital sex is problematic because we were created to connect with another human being in such a way that we would become one unit, together, for life. However, those who indulge in pre-marital sex are involved in a bonding process that supersedes a mere skin-to-skin connection. Scientifically, sex engages us hormonally, neurologically, and psychologically. Pre-marital sex forms intense bonds mentally, emotionally, and physically. Especially when we do it over and over again.
Pre-marital sex causes people to bond and break, bond and break, bond and break. Eventually people that become involved in pre-marital sex lose their ability to properly bond. When they are ready for that new, serious relationship or marriage, something is missing that prevents them from fully bonding. They don’t feel that connected or committed. Their feelings may seem to diminish. When they see someone else a little more exciting, more appealing, more perfect for us, they are ready to move on in a heartbeat.
The second assumption made by the author is that money becomes a pronounced challenge for the couple. This author surmises “that regardless of your actual income, a part of being a successfully married couple is being able to successfully manage your finances. This means having enough for day-to-day expenses, plus having savings, plus having enough for leisure, and for the future! Now, that’s a lot of budgeting, and chances are you and your spouse may have different ideas of how to do it right. This often becomes an issue in the first year of marriage with one person wanting to save, and the other wanting to splurge. But instead of seeing it as a difference, maybe you need to focus on finding a middle ground.”
While this may be true for many newlyweds, every newlywed needs to know that it is conducive to develop a shared vision and a strategic plan for their marriage. The Leading Your Marriage into the Promised land book is a primary tool that couples as well as future couples need to use to help eliminate challenges associated with finances.
Finally, the third assumption made by the author is challenges associated with in-laws. According to the author, this is the difference between being boyfriend and girlfriend, and husband and wife. As lovers, you can choose how much you want to be involved with each other’s families. But, as spouses, you can’t really escape them, especially in our country! You go from having one set of parents and siblings to two, and you have to keep everyone happy… at least, a little bit.
The bible is very specific in what every newlywed needs to know in regards to in-laws. Husbands need to understand that their new alliance is with their wife. Wives need to know that there new alliance is with their husband. According to Matthew 19:5, “…, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?” According to Ephesians 5:22-23, Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Every newlywed needs to know that if they honor these two verses they will put each other first instead of their in-laws.
Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707 Cherry Hill, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267
- Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land
- Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)
- Advanced Marriage Training for Singles
- Husband Leadership Principles
“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.
Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell
Samaritan Baptist Church
Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.
Dr. James E. Woods, II
El Shaddia Christian Assembly