What conversations should couples have before marriage?
In a recent article, a proposed relationship expert provides advice on several topics that couples should discuss before marriage. According to Benjamin Disraeli, “there is no greater risk than matrimony. But there is nothing happier than a happy marriage.” Before a couple entertains the thoughts of marriage, they will benefit from having conversations that will ensure that their future marriage replicates the original design for marriage. According to the article, Conversations To Have Before You Get Married, Dr. Karen Phillip surmises that the key to a happy marriage involves pre-marriage conversations on the following topics:
- Finances before living together
- Parenting style
- Career goals
The problem is that Dr. Phillip’s recommendations are a disaster for divorce because they digress from the original design for marriage. Dr. Phillip implies the necessity for a marriage discussion on finances before living together. Living together before marriage is in direct opposition to The Word of God.
Marriage requires a commitment from both the man and woman. When there is no commitment either party is free to leave when they please. Either party can entertain other commitments which can ultimately create unrecoverable problems in the relationship. Couples who breakup without a marriage commitment have no real legal rights in the eyes of the law. The division of accumulated property can become problematic as well as cumbersome.
One major marriage topic that a couple needs to entertain is their commitment to God.
The bible teaches us that our main commitment is to God. According to Matthew 22:37-38, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.” The scripture instructs us to put God before everything. We must love and continue to love God with every moral fiber that we possess. We must put God before our family, friends, material possessions, and any other activities that would keep us from maintaining that commitment. A man or woman who is not committed to God will have challenges with remaining committed in a marriage.
Men and women who have challenges with a commitment to God will have morality problems too. The Sermon on the Mount provides examples of the moral principles which relate to the Kingdom of God. The Sermon on the Mount is the most famous sermon given by Jesus Christ and covers several topics. The sermon summarizes how to live a life that is pleasing to God, free from hypocrisy, full of love and grace, full of wisdom and discernment. The topics for recorded in the book of Matthew include:
- 5:3-12 – The Beatitudes
- 5:13-16 – Salt and Light
- 5:17-20 – Jesus fulfilled the Law
- 5:21-26 – Anger and Murder
- 5:27-30 – Lust and Adultery
- 5:31-32 – Divorce and Remarriage
- 5:33-37 – Oaths
- 5:38-42 – Eye for an Eye
- 5:43-48 – Love your enemies
- 6:1-4 – Give to the Needy
- 6:5-15 – How to Pray
- 6:16-18 – How to Fast
- 6:19-24 – Treasures in Heaven
- 6:25-34 – Do not worry
- 7:1-6 – Do not judge hypocritically
- 7:7-12 – Ask, Seek, Knock
- 7:13-14 – The Narrow Gate
- 7:15-23 – False Prophets
- 7:24-27 – The Wise Builder
Another marriage topic of discussion is their commitment as a couple to God.
A lasting commitment to each other requires teamwork. Since the husband is called to be a servant and the wife is called to help, they need to entertain how they are going to work together. The husband might not be a servant which is going to cause major problems in the marriage. The wife may not be able to help the husband or may not desire to help the husband in the area that God has called him to. If this is the case then that marriage is doomed for unhappiness and even divorce.
A final marriage topic of discussion is their commitment to each other.
The couple will need to infuse agape love into their marriage. Agape love has three primary components which include:
- Right marriage behaviors
Couples who decide to have the outlined conversational topics before marriage can expect to have a powerful, impactful, and everlasting marriage.
Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com
Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles
“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.
Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell
Samaritan Baptist Church
Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.
Dr. James E. Woods, II
El Shaddia Christian Assembly