In a recent article, NFL football player Russell Wilson and his girlfriend singer Ciara have formally announced that they will practice sexual abstinence until they are married. Sex is both physical and emotional. Remaining abstinent can safeguard against feelings of being used, unloved, angry, or betrayed (Jermaine). Men who practice sexual abstinence before marriage provide an opportunity to develop trust between them and their future wife.
According to the article, What Happens To Men Who Stay Abstinent Until Marriage, by the age of twenty-one 85% of the men and 81% of the women have engaged in sexual intercourse. The average marriage age for men is 29 and for women it is 27. Therefore most people who get married have been involved in sexual intercourse before they get married.
Why is it difficult for men to practice sexual abstinence?
Practicing sexual abstinence can be difficult for many reasons. One reason is associated with a man’s family. Many families today are headed by one head of the household. That one head of the household is normally a mother or grandmother. According to the 2014 U.S. Census Bureau, out of almost to 12 million single parent families, more than 83% were headed by single mothers. It is difficult for a female to convey to a young man the importance of sexual abstinence from a man’s perspective. The female head of the household can only provide that perspective from a female perspective.
Another reason for the difficulty with men maintaining sexual abstinence is related to what is taught in schools. Teaching abstinence becomes a focus when schools attempt to teach the solution to unwanted pregnancies. The oxymoron is that they also teach to either take birth control pills or to use a condom as part of a sexual abstinence program. In a society based on capitalism, it is not profitable to teach men sexual abstinence.
Then there is peer pressure. Peer pressure is influence on a peer group, observers or individual exerts that encourages others to change their attitudes, values, or behaviors to conform to groups. Peer pressure is not limited to youth but it is inclusive of those we interact with as men. For men who are dating women, it is expected for the man to refrain from maintaining a sexual abstinence relationship with females. The pressure from friends can be enormous. Not only may the man have to contend with pressures from the woman that they are dating, they will also have to contend with the pressures from friends. Friends will want to know, “Did you do it?” Friends or their date may want to know if you are a homosexual or something, if you want to maintain a status of sexual abstinence.
What does the act of sexual abstinence say about the man?
Sexual abstinence means that the man is willing to do things God’s way. Sexual abstinence means that the man is not willing to commit sin against him.
Every sin that a man commits is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18). Sexual immorality is defined by the bible as sexual relations between any two persons who are not lawfully married. According to Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge”. For those who are not married, the Lord expects you to abstain from sexual activity until you are married. However, in our society today such a position of sexual abstinence is greeted with scorn and opposition.
For men to successfully maintain a status of sexual abstinence he must:
- Set the expectations – Make sure that the woman that you are dating knows that your expect for her to accept your decision to maintain a status of sexual abstinence
- Know your triggers – If you know that had holding hands will trigger a desire to become intimate then do not hold hands. If you know that hugging or kissing are triggers then do not indulge in them for they will lead to you compromising your status of sexual abstinence.
- Do not place yourself in a compromising situation – If you find yourself in a compromising circumstnace, then either walk away for the circumstance or have friends become involved in the activity so that you do not become tempted.
Finally, if you as a man call yourself a man of God and violate the principles associated with sexual abstinence then how can your perspective wife trust and believe in you as a man of God.
Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com
Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles
“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.
Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell
Samaritan Baptist Church
Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.
Dr. James E. Woods, II
El Shaddia Christian Assembly