In a recent article, a proposed marriage advice counselor believes that a happy marriage involves teamwork which includes communication, commitment, of giving of yourself. Teamwork is an important marital concept. However, the best marriage advice is how to implement teamwork.
According to the article, teamwork includes:
- It is never 50/50. This was what got this thing started. I usually add that it is gonna seem like it is 90/10 all the time but at the core of this piece of advice is simply just don’t keep score.
- Make your relationship a priority. Maybe the biggest mistake I made early in my marriage (well, after kids came along anyway), was not making my wife a high enough priority. Go out on a date on a regular basis, even if the kids have to have a babysitter. It won’t kill them.
- Be ready to compromise. In marriage and in politics, compromise is everything. I wish Washington would figure that out.
- Listen to yourself. Lower your voice, pick your battles, and avoid insults and declarations of absolutes.
- When you are wrong, admit it. And when you are right, admit that you might be wrong.
- It’s impossible to live by the rule “never go to bed angry.” Go to bed. Forget about it for a while. Sleep on it. I guarantee it will be better or more clear in the morning. Or it won’t. Either way, you get a good night’s sleep.
- You might have a really good excuse. Just don’t forget what an excuse really is.
- Make sure that there are plenty of things that you share. But know that it is just as important to have some things in your life that you don’t share. On the share side, my wife and I love to hike in the mountains together.
- Look for reasons to be happy. If you’re always looking for faults and reasons to be unhappy, you’re going to find them.
- Give credit. The self-made man (or woman) is a myth.
- Don’t take your work problems home with you. And don’t take your home problems to work with you. Each should be a refuge from the other.
- Don’t argue when you’re angry, talk about money when you are frustrated, or buy groceries when you’re hungry. Remember that most marital stress is financial.
- Have no regrets. Don’t worry about the things that you should have done. Plan for the things that you’re going to do. Missed chances are in the past. Just prepare yourself not to miss the next opportunity.
The marriage advice counselor has no clue in regards to what is teamwork. Teamwork is “work done by several associates with each doing a part but all subordinating personal prominence to the efficiency of the whole”. In the vernacular of the family, both the husband and wife work together for better efficiency of the family as a whole.
The best marriage advice to facilitate teamwork is to begin with a shared vision followed by the development of a strategic plan. A strategic plan is what the husband and wife want to create or accomplish for their family. Husbands and wives do not impose their values of the other but they create a shared vision that they agree upon. To begin the process the husband and wife should follow the following steps:
- Write down their top ten marriage values and why those marriage values are important
- Have a meeting where both the husband wife share those values and why those values are important
- Agree on three values
- Transform the values into shared vision such as: Our vision is ….After agreeing on a shared vision the next marriage advice is for the husband and wife is to develop a strategic plan based in their shared vision.
Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267
Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles
“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.
Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell
Samaritan Baptist Church
Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.
Dr. James E. Woods, II
El Shaddia Christian Assembly