What is the number one secret to a happy marriage?
In a recent article, the author provides three strategies for a happy marriage. Her suggestions are centered on the husband and wife interactions. The author has made a blunder in believing that a better marriage includes conflict management and positive social interactions while excluding the basic spiritual necessities for a happy marriage.
The author has come to this conclusion for a happy marriage as a result of her and her husbands new year resolutions. The husband complained and was concerned that none of her new year resolutions included him. After sitting down and having a discussion, they both agreed to the following recommendations:
- Embrace your differences The way my husband folds towels baffles me. It makes no sense. However, I can either choose to let him fold towels his way, or I can do it all myself. My pride is not worth a lifetime of lonely laundry, my friends. This year, quit micromanaging your spouse into doing things your way. So what if she picks bizarre routes while driving, and who cares if he can’t load a dishwasher efficiently. Little differences in routine are not good enough reasons to disparage your spouse. Be nice. You might even learn something new.
- Let old arguments go It’s awful living in a house full of problems. Whether from work issues, money problems or parenting dilemmas, a list of grievances will consume your marriage if you let it. While we all have to communicate as couples, rehashing the same fights over and over is not productive, and the constant stream of negativity wears down even the best relationship. This year, resolve to disagree gracefully and let old issues rest. If you’ve been married for awhile, and your spouse leaves socks everywhere, or you still can’t stand your in-laws, or you don’t agree on how much screen time your kids should get, neither you nor your spouse are going to change your minds. When we dig in about issues, it becomes harder to talk about them rationally. There is nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree sometimes. As long as no one is dying, live and let live. After all, did you marry someone you love, or did you marry someone you want to change completely? Think about that.
- Find intimate time I’m not just talking sex here, although that’s certainly part of the equation. How many of us treat our spouses like glorified roommates? Let’s be honest. If most interactions revolve around grocery lists and extracurricular schedules, we’re doing marriage all wrong. Think back to when you were dating. I’m sure there was plenty of kissing and snuggling. Being together was exciting — that’s why you got married! So, why does married life sometimes feel dull? One of the perks of matrimony is snuggling, cuddling and physical intimacy, not to mention awesome emotional intimacy. We need to start taking advantage of all these great aspects of married life. Don’t let life get in the way of feeling connected with your spouse.
While these strategies may work to reduce conflict management and enhance husband and wife social interactions, without the proper spiritual foundation it is impossible to have a happy marriage.
The major problem is the husbands insecurity in his relationship with his wife. If he had placed a premium on his relationships with God, then he would know that there is no need to be insecure in his relationship with his wife.
How does a man have a relationship with God that will ensure that he has a happy marriage?
In order to answer this question we must begin with the original design for marriage. The original design for marriage involved three stages. Stage one involves that man becoming a servant and a steward over the resources that God provides (Genesis 2:15). Stage two involves the man obeying God’s commandments (Genesis 2:16-17). Stage three involves the man becoming the team leader of his marriage (Genesis 2:18).
In order for the man to have a happy marriage he must first become a servant. According to John 12:26, a servant must follow Jesus Christ.
“If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour” (John 12:26).
The husband that makes the decision to replicate the original design of marriage by serving God can expect a happy marriage.
Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012
Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles
“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.
Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell
Samaritan Baptist Church
Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.
Dr. James E. Woods, II
El Shaddia Christian Assembly