In a recent article, the Arkansas Relationship Center recommends planning a successful marriage by utilizing marriage counseling services. Many marriages reach points that can cause divorce. Couples can utilize strategic planning instead of marriage counseling services to ensure a successful marriage.
Men are very hesitant when it comes to marriage counseling services. According to how to Save Your Marriage, some women complain that their husbands do not like to go to marriage counseling. It is not that they do not want to solve the problem. But they do not want to go to counselor who is a stranger and open up all the private affairs in the married life. Their ego is hurt when somebody tries to tell that there is something wrong with the marriage. Also, if you are a well known person in the society it will be embarrassing if somebody see you going into a marriage counselor’s office.
Lighted Pathways points out that some beliefs that guys have about marriage counseling services include:
- It’s all touchy-feely stuff
- You lie on a couch and get analyzed
- You will have to revisit your childhood
- It costs too much
- You don’t have time to go
- It’s all just talk, talk, talk
- It’s not a “guy thing”
Men reject marriage counseling services because of the way that men are designed. According to Genesis 2:15, men are designed to be servants for God and a steward over the resources that God gives the man.
And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it (Genesis 2:15).
We know that men are servants and stewards because these are the original duties for Adam. Dressing and keeping the Garden of Eden was Adams original purpose. The word ‘dress’ in the Hebrew is ‘abad, which means to work as a servant. The word ‘keep’ in the Hebrew is shamar, which means to protect. God placed Adam in the Garden of Eden to work as a servant in the garden and to protect the garden. Protecting the garden required that Adam become the steward of the garden.
Servanthood is the state, condition, or quality of one who lives as a servant. Further, a servant is first of all one who is under submission to another. For Christians, this means submission to God first, and then submission to one another. Then, as one in submission, a servant is one who seeks to meet the real needs of others or of the person he is serving. To put it another way, servanthood is the condition or state of being a servant to others, of ministry to others rather than the service of self. It means willingly giving of oneself to minister for and to others and to do whatever it takes to accomplish what is best for another.
Several leaders in the bible served by solving problems. Noah solved the problem of wickedness in the world. Joseph solved the problem of the future famine in his family. Moses solved the problem of slavery for the Israelites. David solved the problem of a giant who sought to utterly destroy the entire Israelite people. Daniel solved the problem of jealous government leaders. Jesus solved the problem of a world going to hell.
When there is a request from the wife to attend marriage counseling services, it is actually an insult. What the wife is saying is that the husband does not have the talent to solve the problems in the marriage.
For husbands who desire to solve their marriage problems begin with developing a family shared vision based on what you and your wife value and not what some therapist or counselor will provide from a global perspective. End with developing a strategic plan.
Your strategic plan should include three goals that you and your wife agree on in the following areas:
Once the husband and wife have their family strategic plan developed from their family shared vision, they will realize that there is no need for marriage counseling services.
Engaged? Should pre-marital counseling be among your New Year’s resolutions?
Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com
Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles
“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.
Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell
Samaritan Baptist Church
Trenton, NJ “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.
Dr. James E. Woods, II
El Shaddia Christian Assembly