In a recent article, a former wife reflects on the actions of her past marriage that could have saved her ex-husband. Many marriages fail due to the emphasis on superficial values. Marriages must focus on the original design of marriage (Ordermige) to avoid the ex-husband syndrome.
According to the article, 5 Things My ex-Husband Could have done To Save Our Marriage, the author proposes five recommendations for eliminating the necessity of an ex-husband. She surmises that avoiding the ex-husband syndrome will require:
1. Make her feel special
2. Help out
3. Make the marriage a priority
4. Grow with her
5. Break up with the porn habit
The first challenge that this former wife has that resulted in a divorce is that the marriage was to be centered on her. According to the original design of marriage, the marriage is centered on the relationships that the man and wife have with God. The man has to have a relationship with God. If he has the appropriate relationships, he will understand from Genesis 3:16 that he is to be a servant and a good steward.
How does a potential ex-husband become a servant?
In order for a potential ex-husband to be a servant he must know the area that God has called him to serve. This can be challenging for most men. This begins with the husband determining his Spiritual Gifts. Spiritual Gifts are outlined as follows:
|I Corinthians 12
The Word of Knowledge
The Word of Wisdom
The Gift of Prophecy
The Gift of Faith
The Gifts of Healings
The Working of Miracles
The Discerning of Spirits
Different Kinds of Tongues
The Interpretation of Tongues
|I Peter 4
Once a man has determined his Spiritual Gifts, he must then determine the vision that God has placed in his heart. This vision will help the wife to determine how she can help her husband.
The next stage is for the man to follow God’s directions. God has left husbands specific instructions in regards to their wife. The Scriptures instruct “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5: 25). The word in this verse for love means agape. Agape means to love in a social or moral sense. To love from a social sense means to form cooperative and interdependent relationship with others. For the husband and wife, it means to form a cooperative and interdependent relationship with each other. To work cooperatively means to work or act together for a common purpose or benefit. The husband and wife are to work together for a common purpose or benefit. An interdependent relationship between a husband and wife is a close personal relationship, where one or both provides some type of support and care of the other.
To love from a moral sense means to conform to standards of what is right or just behavior. Genesis 2:24 and Matthew 5:27-28 provide guidance for moral behaviors.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24).
Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart (Matthew 5:27-28).
One thing that begins to happen in a marriage is that as time moves forward in the marriage, men will stop touching their wives as they once did. The Luveuphoria formula will help husbands with providing the necessary affection towards their wife.
Finally, the husband is to become the team leader. This is where most wives have the biggest challenge. The world does not teach a woman to be a follower. In actuality, the world teaches the wife to be dominant which can result in a potential ex-husband.
Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012
Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land
-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)
– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles
– Husband Leadership Principles
“I was blessed by the love and sensitivity that you and your wife showed during the presentation”.
Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell
Samaritan Baptist Church
“I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.
Dr. James E. Woods, II
El Shaddia Christian Assembly