For centuries the definition of a good wife continues to transform. In biblical and in modern times the evolution of the role of a women has a defining impact on this definition. In order to establish what makes a good wife we must evaluate the primary role before the evolution of the wife.
We find the first mention of a good wife in Genesis 2:18. According to the Holy bible, Eve was the first woman created for the man – Adam.
And the LORD God said: ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him (Genesis 2:18).
It meant that Adam was elevated to the team leader and Eve was elevated to be his primary team player.
What are the characteristics of a team player that would make a good wife?
Before we provide the definition of a team player we must entertain the thought of a team. A team is a group organized to work together for a common goal or project. A team player is a person who does his/her best to do his part in cooperation with the other members of the team. A team player does not seek to be a one-person show, but works together with his/her teammates and relies on their skills and abilities as he/she seeks to use his/her abilities and gifts in a cooperative way.
Other team player characteristics include:
- Humility – Godly humility is a wife who is comfortable with who she is and will therefore put her husband first. A wife cannot exhibit humility without exhibiting submissiveness.
- Submission – A wife’s submission to her husband is in response to her love and devotion to the Lord first. She submits to the Lord out of a humble and grateful heart, not because she is a slave, but a servant. Likewise, biblical submission in marriage is servanthood, not enslavement. A godly wife is motivated to submit to her husband, not out of fear, self-interest, or self-protection, but out of love ( 1 Peter 3:6 ).
- Prayerfulness – Results from a deep concern for God and the beliefs associated with Christianity.
- Dependability – Involves constant reliability and trustworthiness. Trustworthiness includes: (a) A spiritual commitment to God’s way of life, successfully resisting human nature and temptation. (b) Taking financial responsibility to live within one’s means, avoiding unnecessary debt, managing necessary debt and working together to decide the family’s financial issues. (c) A personal commitment to what is best for his or her spouse. (Your spouse makes you feel safe and secure. He or she accomplishes this through countless gestures, large and small, conveying respect, kindness and gentleness. This will help the husband to continue in his commitments and build trust between him and his wife.
- Holiness – A separation from the world and a consecration to God with a focus on ethical and moral values found in the Holy Scriptures. Jesus Christ is our perfect example of holiness. As God He is the Word of God but as a man He relied on the Word of God in every situation. His reliance on the Word of God made Him to have the mind of God. Through His reliance on the Word of God He loved what God loved and hated what God hated. Jesus lived a holy life according to the will of God because He valued and nurtured a relationship with God through His life of prayer. Jesus Christ was so intimate with God that He depended on His Spirit to lead and guide Him. He did not do anything apart from the Holy Spirit that was given to Him “without measure” (John 3:34). Holiness, as the word implies, is the work of the Holy Spirit. It means to be like minded with God and set apart for His service.
- Integrity – Biblical integrity is not just doing the right thing; it includes having the right heart and allowing the person you are on the inside to match the person you are on the outside. It also requires an individual to be consistent with their integrity behaviors.
Following these characteristics are that the a good wife works with her husband for a common goal. She will do her best to cooperate with her husband with the skills that God has given her. She will not seek to circumvent her husbands calling and decide to do her own thing rather than working in a cooperative way with her husband.
Herein lies the problem for most marriages. Many wives have not had an opportunity to benefit from the development involved in teamwork. Young male youth’s are indoctrinated into the teamwork concept through participation in sports. And only recently have young females had the opportunities to become groomed into the team building process. It still remains that their participation in sports is limited. Husbands must take an active role in developing their wives to become better team players.
The husband must begin with determining his God given purpose. If at all possible, the perspective husband should make this determination before selecting a wife. The husband can determine his God given purpose by evaluating his Spiritual Gift(s) and making a connection to his past experiences for the direction of his calling. After the husband has determined his God given purpose, it is a mistake to attempt to force this vision upon their wife. The husband must insist that the wife use the same process to determine her God ordained purpose. After this, make comparisons of the two separate visions and develop steps for including the wife in your God ordained vision. The road will become tough at times, but through faith, God will deliver the both of you into the purpose that He has ordained for your marriage.
Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell
PO Box 4707
Cherry Hill, NJ 08012
Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land
-Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives)
– Advanced Marriage Training for Singles
– Husband Leadership Principles
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Samaritan Baptist Church
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El Shaddia Christian Assembly