In a recent article, Marriage in America still in crisis, the author points out that marriage are stronger than ever before without providing advice for men on how to prepare for a happy marriage. With the ever changing dynamics of the family which now include same-sex unions it is difficult to tell whether divorces have increased or marriages have increased. Without the proper preparation of men marriage will continue to be doomed and happy marriages will cease to exist.
The family structure has a pinnacle importance of the preparation of happy marriages. The Judeo-Christian tradition originates in the Bible’s Book of Genesis. The first man and woman created by God gave rise to all of humanity. The Bible reflects the patriarchal worldview and often refers to the practice of polygamy, a common marital practice in ancient times. In biblical times, men sought to prove their descent from the family of the prophet Moses in order to be accepted into the priesthood.
Since then the family structure has dramatically transformed. The traditional family structure in the United States included two married individuals – man and woman – who provided care and stability for their children. As time has progressed, the traditional family has transformed due to single parent families, teenage pregnancies, unwed mothers, and same-sex marriages which lapsed in teaching single men how to prepare for a happy marriage?
Most single parent homes are headed by a woman. Today, nearly one-fourth (24 percent) of the 75 million children under age 18 lives in a single-mother family. Of the 18.1 million children in single-mother families, 9.2 million are under 9 years of age. This creates great difficulty in preparing men to have a happy marriage because the mother can other provided one perspective. The biggest mistake that a mother makes in attempting to teach her boy(s) how to have a happy marriage is that she can only teach him what not to do. A father in the home has an opportunity to not only teach, explain, and demonstrate how to be a good father, but they also will be able to teach, explain, and demonstrate how to be a good husband. However, even with a father at home, most fathers do not take the opportunity to teach and explain which results in them only demonstrating through their actions.
Some fathers choose to demonstrate the wrong behavior to their children which results in domestic violence. Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior which involves violence or other abuse by one person in a domestic context against another, such as in marriage or cohabitation. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence,
- One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.
- An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner 85% of domestic violence victims are women.
- Historically, females have been most often victimized by someone they knew.
- Females who are 20-24 years of age are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner
- Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.
A recent study on domestic violence reveals that the way abusive men try to manage stress in their relationships and other parts of their lives may be associated with their violent outbursts. Results showed abusive men were likely to view stressful circumstances as personally threatening, while trying to avoid the situation or repress emotional responses. Many men do not learn to manage stress which can have a direct impact on preparing for a happy marriage.
In the absence of teaching and learning how to prepare for a happy marriage, men can always find the answer in the Holy Bible. We only need to look at the book of Genesis for single men to learn how to prepare for a happy marriage.
And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him (Genesis 2:15-18).
In the four versus, God provide the purpose, path, and position that a single and married man need to take to prepare for and have a happy marriage.
- Purpose – The purpose of man is to serve God – The Father of Jesus Christ – and to be steward over the resources that He provides for the man (Genesis 2:15).
- Path – God provides instructions in Genesis 2: 16-17. In these scriptures He tells Adam what he can and cannot do. The are the same instructions for the single and married man who desire a happy marriage.
- Position – God provided the man with his position when He made Eve as his helpmeet. The position of the married man is to be the team leader in the happy marriage.
Even though single men are at a disadvantage because of the extenuating circumstances that society provides, a single man can prepare for a happy marriage by following his God ordained purpose, path, and position.
Dr. Derrick and Mrs. Sheila Campbell PO Box 1668 Blackwood, NJ 08012 (856) 566-3267 www.advancedmarriagetraining.com
Published books – Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land -Leading Your Marriage into the Promised Land (Workbook for husbands & Wives) – Advanced Marriage Training for Singles
Trenton, NJ, “I would highly recommend you to any church or organization desiring to provide their people with timely marital wisdom and practical application skills”.
Bishop Joseph P. Ravenell
Samaritan Baptist Church
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Dr. James E. Woods, II
El Shaddia Christian Assembly